#48 “The Evils of Eggnog”

Dear Don1001,

I’m listening to Christmas Carols on French Internet Radio, so in the multi-dimensional of world of theoretical physics that makes it Christmas, well at least in some point of space and time, so it’s time to get totally toasted. Usually upholding family traditions can be a pain in the ass but getting drunk on Christmas Eve and then carrying on that buzz on to Christmas Day may be a torch that needs to be handed to the next generation. On my Father’s side of the family, certain days like your Birthday, funerals (close loved ones), weddings (not so close loved ones, friends, Hell even casual acquaintances), Super Bowl, New Year’s Eve and Christmas Eve-Christmas are the appropriate times to get completely hammered. And far be it from me to stand in the way of time honored traditions like drinking huge amounts of high octane Bourbon mixed with eggs, sugar and heavy cream, which from where I came from meant one thing; Eggnog. Now usually the majority of this Christmas libation is a vile tasting substance that has no place in a glass or anywhere else, but when Eggnog is made correctly by a master craftsmen, this holiday tradition can be sublime. This seemingly innocent beverage when made with a deft hand, has an almost heavenly taste that is quite deceptive. The heavy cream, sugar and egg smooth the alcohol burn making Eggnog seem innocent, almost benign, but it’s not. With two or 3 glasses of Eggnog, your Aunt Edna becomes Glen Beck (the goofy version that cries all of the time) wanting back her country and wanting you to understand her fears for the future of mankind. Eight Eggnogs, you and Uncle Red are completely wrecked and impulsively decide to join the Polar Bear Club by chipping enough ice from the top of the family pool (that wasn’t drained for Winter) to take a swim on Christmas Eve. This results in Uncle Red (age 66) turning blue and almost dying.  And with a blood alcohol level of .30 or higher (Red had a head start with a large flask of Makers Mark) the man probably should have died. But Red didn’t die, so we wrapped him in a blanket and stuck Red by the fire then we got the man another Eggnog. Thus is the evil that Eggnog can and will bring. This Devil’s drink does not respect age, class or culture. Eggnog doesn’t choose its victims; its victims naively choose it. But real men don’t fear such things because tonight we are drinking Eggnog! Or whatever the closest thing you can make out of condensed heavy cream, powdered eggs, brown sugar and homemade “moonshine”. The quasi-Eggnog will probably taste like crap but  it won’t matter after you drink a couple of them and smoke a spliff of  Sour Diesel. Hopefully after six Eggnogs I won’t be looking for a pool. Merry Christmas, Donnie and have an Eggnog on me.

                                      Getting out the blender, Brother Gregory

You can see videos of these sage observations here: http://www.youtube.com/my_videos?feature=mhum
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#47 “Just a few more shopping days until the Apocalypse”

Dear  Don1001,

Give me a break or give me something to break. Three years after visiting the economic abyss, a majority of Americans are still mired in rampant materialism and economic indifference. Not that people shouldn’t enjoy the fruits of their labors but maxing out your charge card and continuing to live above your means, makes the pain, greater, later. Which makes me wonder why would we ever want a business leader to run the country? If the business leaders of the good old US of America are so great, why is China treating us like a doormat? I thought that the economic pain the majority of Americans are in would cause the nation to contemplate the true economic nature of the Universe but it hasn’t. As a nation we keep trusting the same people that almost wrecked the world economy. Like the usual suspects such as Larry Summers, Timothy Geitner and Ben Bernanke, who are the big economic dogs in Obama’s Treasury Department. These so-called public servants remain firmly connected to Wall Street, so no matter where these gentlemen land it will be with the courtesy of a golden parachute. Larry Summers helped sow the financial seeds of destruction under Clinton by losing the firewall between banks and Wall Street. Yet this fact doesn’t seem to outrage many people because they don’t know enough about finances to fill a thimble. For some unknown reason the majority of American people still believe that if we don’t give Business what it wants, we’ll end up like a Third World nation. It’s like the Stockholm Syndrome, we’ve been held hostage by Big Business for jobs for so long, we now defer to our captors. That fact alone goes a long way in explaining why the top 1% of this country controls 85% of the economy. (Although Germany does seem to have a high standard of living, ecology and socialized medicine, what’s up with that?) Which gets me back to my present rant, why in the midst of the most fucked up economy in decades there hasn’t there be an examination of our junkie like relationship with materialism by our so-called business, political and religious leaders? In fact there has been opposite, a bunch of these same leaders are exhorting Americans to get out there and spend, so we can trade the Real-estate boom/bust cycle (which was begat by the Dot.Com boom/bust cycle) for a new boom/bust cycle that has yet to be determined (my bet; commodities). At this moment in time, we have a Texas sized justification for a little navel gazing to see how we got into this economic debacle in the first place, but we’ll probably choose to do a little more shopping instead. The hypocrisy of spending a boatload of money that we don’t have, buying things that aren’t really needed, in the name of having a strong economy, seems absurd to me but not evidently to most of the people that running our country’s economy. Which leads me to a bleak observation, people get led where they want to go and you’d better not let the facts ruin the vibe. This seemingly has led to absurdities like feeling special because a large, faceless multi-corporation made you a friend on Facebook. Which is pretty much like the relationship most of us have with the people that control our financial future.

                                    Looking for something to break, Brother Gregory

You can see videos of these sage observations here: http://www.youtube.com/my_videos?feature=mhum
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#46 “Faded Photographs – Faded Love”

Dear Don1001, 

I was going through stuff for the memoirs, when I came across a picture of Debbie, the first “love” of my life. Although our first date was technically statutory rape, our “hook-up” consisted of Debbie picking me up after work getting me quite drunk and fucking the Hell out of me. I was 16 and Debbie was 21, the younger sister of “Baldy”, the president of the Grim Reapers MC (Motorcycle Club). This group of semi-outlaw bikers (semi because some of them had jobs) skirted the law at the least and at the most, literally stomped all over it. When I got up the next morning after being pushed on a bed and having my clothes being ripped off, I was sore in places I never knew existed and I was “Baldy’s” little sister’s “old man”. There are worse things, when you’re 16, than being the boy toy of a 21-year biker chick that had 36X30X37 measurements on a muscular five foot, four inch frame with jet-black hair and a Betty Page face. Although I was 16, I worked a 40-week as a night manager of a fast food joint, plus I went to High School full time, so I came and went basically as I pleased. This meant that I sort of started living with Debbie during the last part of my junior year of High School. And I have to admit my new living arrangement raised my standing among my male peers and some curiosity from a few fellow female students. When you get dropped off at High School in the morning by a sexy, tough looking chick in a tricked out 64 Chevy Coupe, they don’t ask if you got laid, they know you got laid. And in their minds it was sex beyond anything they could ever imagine and they were right. God Bless Debbie for letting me forego the sex of inexperienced teenagers, she told what she wanted, when she wanted it, and when she was satisfied. (My worldly knowledge of certain things in the early part of my life, benefited greatly from having had the company of experienced and financially able older women.) Because of “Baldy’s’” sponsorship I was allowed to go on “Runs” and was sort of like a little brother and as long as I didn’t fuck with any of the Brothers or their “Old ladies”, I was protected. And for the next few years, I was an extended family member of the Grim Reapers, which meant I had access at times to the Outlaws and other MCs during meet-ups or “Runs”. This occasional brush with genuine Outlaw Bikers exposed me to real life skills like learning how to grade Marijuana and Methamphetamine, the going prices for various stolen items and how instantaneous efficient violence at times does have it place. The cool thing about my whole time around Bikers, never once did they pressure me into becoming a Biker and never once did I ever want to become a Biker, I was an accidental tourist, but we respected each other. Bikers are much more intelligent and socially aware than most people would imagine and I had many a learned discussions and debates on various eclectic topics. But after my reaching adulthood our romance began to fade and we parted on slightly less than amicable terms but Donnie that’s a memory that might be best to leave alone.

                              Better to Love and not lose body parts, Brother Gregory

You can see videos of these sage observations here: http://www.youtube.com/my_videos?feature=mhum
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#45 “Small Town Values and Outsourcing”

Dear Don1001,

Thomson Correctional Center in the northwestern part of Illinois is currently empty.

It’s where President Obama had ordered the Federal government to subcontract a prison for prisoners being transferred from Guanténamo Bay, Cuba. The prison facility would have hired a couple hundred locals, but airhead conservatives and pansy liberals fretted that some of these sad sacks might go over the wire and go on one-man terror sprees. So the gutless “Left and Right” in Congress made sure those Muslim Rambos stayed in Cuba. So the people living around the Thomson Correctional Center never got to pop the top on those celebratory brews. And there would have been a celebration because in a lot of rural areas of the U.S. the only real source of any decent employment are prisons. Rural areas especially love Federal Prisons, because of perks of an upgraded infrastructure and an elevated pay scale. So why the Hell, are we outsourcing prisons to other countries? You can torture someone just as well in a Federal prison as some Third World Country, where our tax dollars are given to people that don’t pay Federal taxes or Social Security. In fact, I bet we can torture much more cost effective in the U.S. because currency exchanges and we have the “technicians” already on the “books.” And the people overseeing the selective persuasion can have a social life and see their kids grow up (local schools are almost always upgraded) instead being in Cuba or some other God awful place. Did Dick Cheney or William Kristal ever think about the little people that make “enhanced interrogation” happen? I don’t think so. They’re people, too. Sweet Jesus! A Jack Herer buzz just keeps creeping higher. (Big drink of coffee) Where was I? There are scores of small towns in Appalachia and in the Southeast that have lost thousands of manufacturing jobs that would love the $18 an hour jobs that our prisons provide. On top of that, there are countless people like my brother “Jim Bob” (who stopped counting how many guns he had at 30) who would love it if a terrorist escaped. Seriously, the people who think I’m a “hardcore” don’t have a clue. In areas, where making a living is hard, you have hard people. The authorities in these places would have so many civilians with guns out hunting any escapee that it would probably freak them out. Where I grew up you couldn’t use dogs to hunt deer but you could use them to hunt humans. I don’t know about your people but my people have never worried about terrorists. Which is another myth “That Americans think that it is better to fight Islo-fascism over there”, the truth is that most Americans would rather fight terrorists here than anywhere else. The American people are armed to the teeth and right now they’re not in that good of a mood, so I don’t think we need to worry about a few dozen loser Muslim wannabes. And that hopefully those “pussies” in Washington will rethink “outsourcing” what red-blooded Americans do more of than other nation on earth, incarcerate people. We have the highest percent of our adult population in Jail than other country in the World, so we have the technology. So why should we send more jobs to Third World countries? 

                                             Why, indeed, Brother Gregory 

You can see videos of these sage observations here: http://www.youtube.com/my_videos?feature=mhum