#40 "In The Red Zone" REDUX

Dear Don1001, 

After hacking into the satellite that has all of the NFL games, I’m nine hours into a full-fledged professional football-watching binge. I’ve never experienced total access to all of the games, in real time. It is fucking awesome and I’m not that into football or maybe it’s the friggin Khat but the ability to go every game when anything interesting is about to happen, is like channel surfing on steroids. At one point they had six games where there were teams in the “Red Zone”, I’m not sure what that really means but it was fucking cool. I can’t really describe it, going from one game to another as shit is about to happen with no down time in between plays, its like playing multiple games of John Madden NFL at the same time. About three hours into to this sensory overload the video had become the retina of my mind’s eye and there ceased to be an awareness of my physicality as I’ve become one with the flat screen. As I watched I was totally unaware of my brain telling my hand to change feeds, or to keep ingesting the substances that enabled me to maintain the perfect chemical equilibrium needed to stay in the “Zone” for hours. Athletes talk about the ability to slow down time and see things before they happen; I now know what they mean. I’m not sure when it happened but by intuition I began to know what game to switch to as a big play was about to happen. From bone jarring tackle to big runs, full tilt testosterone, mano a mano, no estrogen need apply.  It was 100% pure American choreographed violence with no cute female sideline reporters or cheerleaders. If you want to see eye-candy cute female reporters and cheerleaders, rent a porno, it does not enhance the football viewing experience. Men watch football to see whose balls are bigger. I knocked you down so I’m the dominant male. It may seem frivolous to females but men need to know their place in the pack not by intellect but by physical ability. If you’re trying to take down a 500-pound wild boar with spears, you have to know what the next man’s got and that you can depend on him. Football is our modern equivalent of an ancient hunt for big game. These men bond by learning each other’s strengths and that if they slip a little that someone has their back. Because of this, they will literally risk being crippled for life in order to be there for their football brothers. It is why a Marine will sprint across fifty yards of open field under fire to pickup a wounded fellow Marine and die in the process. It is not rational but it is why, as a species, we still exist. So maybe my football orgy is encoded in my DNA and that I have little or no say with my fascination with watching steroid crazed individuals crashing against each other, I don't know, but half-time of the last game of the day is ending, so you'll have to excuse me, I'm going to drink in the last remaining bits of violence and eat large amounts of meat.

                                   Going deep, Brother Gregory

Now for something entirely different:

You can see videos of these sage observations here: http://www.youtube.com/my_videos?feature=mhum
                                           www.bell-jarboefilms.com