#28 Nordic Death Metal…

Dear Don1001,

God I love Internet Radio. There’s the alt station eskemoradio.com in the UK, the French Radio station “Indies Sabotage 75” then there is the crème de la extreme: Djuk’ Radio where they play Black Metal, Pagan Metal and Viking Death Metal, that’s all Nordic Death Metal, all the time. One night when I had reached the perfect chemical equilibrium of Khat, Hashish and unrefined opium, I started surfing Internet Radio when I landed on the station Djuk Radio, the sounds seized my brain like the DEA seizes a bank account. Trying to describe Scandinavian Death Metal is absurd, Teutonic power chords over jackhammer percussion with vocals loosely based on a style used by Viking Warriors as they went into battle. You got to love a musical genre where actual murders and suicides give a band street “cred”. These Quasi & Neo Fascists don’t flirt with racism and homophobia; they have it tattooed on their body. It’s the sort of extremism that makes Marilyn Manson, a poser. Granted, if your not incredible intoxicated or suffering from a psychotic rage that has resulted from a prolonged bout of depression, the music can get on your nerves, quick. But if you’re incredible intoxicated and in a psychotic rage, Nordic Death Metal is your kind of music. Remember Charles Whitman from the 60’s? You don’t? Well, no matter, Charles climbed a tower at the University of Texas and starting shooting people, efficiently. I guarantee you that Mr. Whitman would have had Nordic Death Metal on his I-pod, if he could have. Death Metal is the music of choice for “dead enders”, it’s where Goth goes when they decide to end the joke that is life and get serious about death. And no one does it better than the Norwegians, not the Finns, not the Swedes and don’t even mention the fucking Danes, Death Metal has reached it’s apex in Norway. May be it’s the extreme cold or lack of light combined with a Viking warrior tradition but no one's music is darker or harder. Remember the Spinal Tap line “It’s blacker than black”, well, it doesn’t get any darker than Norwegian Death Metal, my friend. And if it does get darker than Norwegian Death Metal I want no part of it, because music that depressing should come with a body bag. Why Norway?  Maybe it’s the isolation of Winter or being Vitamin D deficient but the Norwegians get Death Metal in nihilistic abundance. I know one thing if I ever decided to “lock and load” there will be full metal jackets in the chamber and “Mayhem” and “Dark Throne” on my MP3 player.

        Appreciating Death as an Art form, Brother Gregory

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