Brother Gregory "The Bunker Letters" #18 April Fool’s Day...

Dear Don1001,

It’s April’s Fool Day and I’m listening to the Beastie Boys, while wondering who is the fool? It’s been a long night, a real long night. I sit here in my self-imposed exile while contemplating my sins that I have committed to serve the Gods of War, the triggered memories of sights, sounds and smells of violence, especially the smells. When a person intestines, are disrupted, it just has that smell, you know? Then there are the moments of the surreal. When was it? El Salvador 83’? I was loading a young man into a copter, who had just been shot. There was very small hole in his chest and there was hardly any blood, it seemed absurd that he was dying. But as I shifter him onto the stretcher, I could feel the blood rolling around in his lungs. He was dead before they got off the pad. Some things you wear for a lifetime. The first time you do first person violence. Not the cruising at 15,000 feet or sniper’s scope stuff, but up close and personal, so you see the look in their eyes as you cut them. With me, the one thing that I could never get use to, was the women, the defense of Liberty isn’t sexist. I guess women can call this a victory for gender rights. 20 years after, I want to believe they are fantasies of a sick mind and not my memories. Some people liked what they did; I never got use to doing “my job”. Will God forgive sins committed for other people? It is ironic that my soul may have been lost for a country that knows nothing of my deeds or me nor do they want to know, because the killer in me was the killer in them. So tonight, I miss you Donnie. This one is a bad one and your stories would get me through this. For some reason the summer of 91’ keeps coming up in the RAM. It was late July and that desert averaged 108 during the day and 55 at night. We had lost guys and you were convinced, you weren’t going to make it. We had a “night move” and you kept saying, “I got a bad feeling about this one.” Over and over, until I lost it and told you “to shut the fuck up” and you did. Later, when we got drunk and you told me that when I yelled, you knew it was going to be okay. Donnie, that was one of the coolest moments of my life. Too bad we got old, we had good run, didn’t we?

                              You will always live until I die, Brother Gregory

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